Dortmund, Germany. We're in the Punto. We woke up this morning to more rain, and a tent covered in snails. 'Well, it is France,' we joked, rather racistly. Thankfully we got off the farmer's land with all reproductive paraphernalia intact, and then the sun came out.
The first day on the road proper. The Punto is nippy as anything, and surprisingly comfy. Getting to Dortmund involves rolling along the E34 through Belgium and the Netherlands and indulging our purile enjoyment of place names. We made a pee stop in Waasmunster, but the toilets were locked. We feared the same happening in Turnhout and Dumpton. And we've just seen a sign for Wankum. This has been an unexpected bonus. Can't wait for Turda in Romania, and to see with my own eyes the famed Uzbeki Jizzax. But that's later.
All is quiet and contented in the car. Long silences. The Stone Roses' Breaking Into Heaven just played, and I nearly died when half a keg of warm St Austell ale decided to leap on my head. For now it's just nice to be moving and free of admin. But yes, things will heat up at some point. This trip is ace. Tough but fun, that's what I termed it. Like the bedroom.
We just made a stop in a Dutch layby for our second dig at the MOD ration-packs. Curried lamb, and bacon and beans. It's brilliant. Mum, Dad - I want to join the RAF, where they have ace sleeping bags and nice dried food in little space bags.
Dortmund means meeting up with Olly German's mates Alex and Moni and their crew. They're promising a special sausage. This is good news. They've also just told us that they've probably lined up an appearance playing a song on the evening news. Apparently there's a crowd of them there and they're all getting drunk already. It's 13.30 on Sunday. Drink as much as you possibly can, that's our advice to the Dortmunders. Then dance your tits off. Should be funny.
We're fast becoming media darlings. Fresh from rocking an appalling version of De La Soul's Magic Number on Radio Cornwall before we left, we're due any minute to do a phoner with Kernow's Atlantic FM, who are keen to check up on our progress...
... Just done the phone interview. If anyone is reading this in Cornwall on Sunday evening, we're on Atlantic FM on Sunday afternoon at 2.30. More usefully, they'll be calling in again next week to see where we are, so if you're around you can tune in then and hear my dulcet tones.
The whole band angle has turned out to be a winner, before we've even played a note. Quite a few people at Goodwood were taken with the fact we'd brought a drum kit. 'That's a bit of a waste of valuable space,' said one fellow rallyer. That's the whole point, you dickwad.
The last rally car we saw was a 4x4 when we first got into the Netherlands. It's good when you see them - everyone's big on waving and raising an international thumb in the air. But our plan is to take as long as we possibly can, so we won't be seeing too many of our peers beyond the Czechout party tomorrow (camping at a castle, free gin bar).
For us the plan then is to weave our way down to Romania, and spend the end of next week up in the Carpathian mountains, staying at a guesthouse started by a Cornish vicar as a charity venture taking in orphans of the Ceaucescu regime. We've already lined up a gig there. Although we have been wondering whether it's wise to perform Talking Heads' Psycho Killer to a bunch of people whose parents were wiped out by a ruthless Communist dictator.
'Don't touch me, I'm a real live wire.'
'Whatever. Hey, I can't work this radiator and I need a cuddle.'
I'm enjoying talking to you with my fingers. Hello. I live in a car.
Velvet Underground, Shiny Boots of Leather. We're 32km from Dortmund, and the promise of a special sausage and mass public humiliation. Excellent.
--
Quick teaser: we're in Dortmund, and have just done our first gig (as seen in the photo). The perfect balance of awful and brilliant. Totally nailed it. But you'll have to wait for part two for the horrific details. I'm in Alex's house being hugely anti-social on a laptop, and we have beer to drink. Stick that up yer umlaut. ääääääääää...
No comments:
Post a Comment